Adventures in Family Texting, Episode 101

BOY: Home from Scouts and YOU NEED TO STICH THAT PATCH ON!!!
ME: Wash your uniform and leave it on my chair, Your Majesty. And learn to spell "stitch."
BOY: Ok but you need to do it tonight. I need it by next week.
ME: Need by next week /= tonight.
BOY: Yep.
ME: You might have missed that I am at a police standoff and on my fourth hour of overtime. Also that I haven't beaten you with sticks yet. Mind your manners and say PLEASE.
BOY: Please.
ME: Taken under advisement. Use shampoo when you shower.
BOY: Ok but pleeeeeaaaasssee do it tonight.
ME: Not happening. Tomorrow possible if you leave it on the chair. And if you are nice to me.
BOY: Ok.
MAN: We need milk. Or a cow.
ME: I love that you both are texting me simultaneously with stuff you need me to do. It's not like I'm busy or anything.
MAN: Sorry love.
ME: S'ok. I'll get a blog out of it.
MAN: Of course you will. I am a lowly wigglily worm…
ME: Oh shut up. And learn to spell "wiggly."