Snippets

MAN: My boss is allowing me to take two hours' vacation time so I can go to this extra credit thing on Thursday.
ME: You mean the Google Tools training workshop?
MAN: Yeah. It's 10 points extra credit for my newswriting class.
ME: Don't you have like an A in that class?
MAN: B. And it's a tough class, I can tell I'll need all the extra credit I can get.
ME: Okay. Dork. Have you reserved your spot?
MAN: I'll tell [professor] tomorrow.
ME: That isn't how you reserve your spot.
MAN: How do I reserve my spot?
ME: You have to RSVP with the president of the St. Louis Society of Professional Journalists.
MAN: Okay, then I need... hey, that's YOU!
ME: *giggles*
MAN: I plan to attend the workshop, Madam President.
ME: You're supposed to RSVP by emailing StLouisSPJ@gmail.com, I don't know that I can just waive the rules for you...
MAN: *raspberry*


MAN: I need to decide what elective I take next semester.

ME: You know what I think.

MAN: What do you think?

ME: That you should take some form of women's studies or women's literature or feminist theory.

MAN: Why is that?

ME: Because women are 50 percent of the human species and you should study our contributions. Because it'll help you write women better.

MAN: *long look*

ME: And it will help you understand ME.

MAN: ...

ME: *bats eyelashes*

MAN: Trap.


ME: Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
BOY: *sigh* Why?
ME: Because the p is silent.
BOY: That's not even funny.
ME: Yes it is.
BOY: It doesn't even have to be in the bathroom.
ME: The P is silent!
BOY: ... That is not good.
ME: Yes it is.
BOY: I don't even like bathroom humor.
ME: Excuse me, which of us is the teenage boy?
BOY: That doesn't mean I have to like bathroom humor, Mr. ASSUME!
ME: That's MS. Assume to you.