Snippets: Old Age Edition
ME: When I started working at the newspaper, I was in the bureau office, and we had these two secretaries who answered the phone and took down messages on actual paper because well shut up, okay?
ME: And one of those secretaries, a very nice lady named Connie, was pregnant. And she had a baby.
ME: The baby just got her driver's license.
ME: Shut up! You may be used to being old, but I'm struggling with it!
JIM: I'm ooooold.
ME: Yes, I know, but I thought I was young until five minutes ago!
BOY: What are you doing?
ME: Baking cookies. Chocolate chip.
BOY: What for?
ME: What? We're all supposed to bring something.
BOY: Everybody always just brings storebought stuff.
ME: Ha. When have you ever known me to bring storebought anything when I can bake?
(Note: First attempt at cookies using the new stand mixer was a success.)
ME: Honey! JCPenney is offering a special discount to senior citizens this weekend?
JIM: Not there yet.
ME: It's 15 percent off to all shoppers age 55 and older!
JIM: Not there yet.
ME: But it's only five years off!*
JIM: Hush woman.
ME: *hugs him* I'm looking forward to taking advantage of your senior citizen status.
JIM: Making me feel old...
ME: Not old! Seasoned!
ME: Hey, your age is my age too... plus eight.
ME: We've already gotten that benefit once -
JIM: That was so wrong.
ME: I can't wait. Think of the discounts!
The short version of the Senior Citizen Benefit Incident: We ate dinner at some Huddle House in Nowhere, Southland this past summer. At the end of the meal, I was pulling out my card when I saw the bill and started snickering. Jim asked me what was so funny, and I showed him the receipt, where the waitress had automatically applied the senior citizen discount to his meal.
Jim facepalmed. Boy said, "That is the best thing to happen all day."
I didn't stop laughing for twenty miles.
Speaking of old... Last week I worked the night cops reporter shift in our main office. It was my turn in the barrel, as we have all been covering the shifts while they interview for new reporters. I chatted with the new copy editors, and during a break, I showed them the old darkroom (now office and storage space), as they said they hadn't seen it. I was enjoying telling them what little I know about the building's history and the history of the newspaper.
ME: I'm probably one of the last journos to learn how to develop film, since they were in the middle of transitioning to all digital when I graduated from college. Of course, I couldn't do it now to save my life.
NEWBIE 1: Those must be the negatives. *points at wall o' negatives* I can't imagine how you'd see everything in reverse... Wow, 1993. That's the year I was born.
NEWBIE 1: *nods*
ME: I graduated from high school in 1993.
NEWBIE 2: *points to 1994* There's me.
ME: *facepalm* Preschoolers!
ME: When I first came here, Jayne Matthews - rest her soul - informed me often that she had socks older than I was. I literally have socks older than the two of you.** I'm gonna take my walker back to my desk now...
* Technically 5.5 years.
** This is true. I have two pair of socks I bought for my first job at McDonald's in 1992. Kill me.