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Showing posts from October, 2010

How to Survive a Horror Movie, 2010 edition

HOW TO SURVIVE A HORROR MOVIE
by Elizabeth Donald et al

1. If the house you're living in tells you to "GO AWAY," do it. Now.

2. If you're a virgin, stay that way.

3. If a killer with a knife is chasing you around the house, do not go upstairs. Go out the front door.
4. For the love of God, turn on the lights.

5. Never split up.

6. Never stoop over to see if the killer is dead. He's just waiting for you.

7. Never get naked in front of a window.

8. Avoid the following geographical locations, even on a bet: Amityville, Elm Street, Crystal Lake, Transylvania, remote islands, lover's lanes, secluded mountain resorts and all small towns in Maine.

9. Never pick up hitchhikers.

10. If a small town off the highway is deserted, it's probably for a very good reason.

11. If your speedometer suddenly starts turning backward, trade the car.

12. Never dig up strange-looking objects in the woods.

13. Never bury pets or loved ones in old Native American burial …