Snippets: Writers' Group Edition

My writers' group meets biweekly to work on our books and share our progress. And sometimes our conversations are more fun than the work we're allegedly doing.

ME: So, I have three people down for the May group signing.... who's down for the one in March? Sela?
SELA: Nope.
ME: Is that because it's at oh-my-god-thirty in the morning?
SELA: Yup.
ME: *bawk bawk bawk bawk*
SELA: I don't believe in mornings.
HUNTER: Mornings are for making sure the coffeepot lid is on tight.
ME: I have a man who makes the coffee. He is required to do so.
SELA: Oh really.
ME: Yes, it's in the Bible, man makes coffee. It's in the Book of Hebrews.
WRITERS: *crickets*
DIANE: That was bad.
ME: See, I make that joke a lot at home and nobody ever laughs.
SELA: That's hard to imagine.
ME: I'm unappreciated in my house.

At least ten minutes later...

ME: So I'll be passing along the names to the other organizers, and I will let you know if we get any progress on [other project]-
WRITERS: *laughter*
SELA: *crying*
ME: *choking*

Work pretty much ended for fifteen minutes as we roared with laughter. And as Kat left an hour later, she was packing up her computer and muttered under her breath, "Hebrews..."

And we lost it again.


Subject was vacation trips while writing and the benefits of on-site at Disney World vs. off-site.

ME: See, I really regretted staying off-site for that convention, so we were absolutely about staying on site. And we never left, it wasn't a thing.
SELA: Right, because why would you? Well, Universal.
ME: I lied. We did leave - not Universal, because money - but we abdicated one day to go to the beach and see the ocean.
SELA: Yeah. I don't like the ocean.
ME: ... How is it you're the romantic one?
WRITERS: *laughter*
ME: Even me, the romance-challenged, I'm awed by the ocean!
SELA: It smells funny.
ME: *gapes*
SELA: It smells like dead fish, okay?
MICHAEL: I can just see this now in her book: "I reached out for his hand, and the scent of dead fish wafted over me - "

Aaaaand we lost it again.


ME: That was the best thing about Jamaica. The bar was open pretty much from breakfast.
SELA: I miss Key West. They had frozen key lime pie on a stick.
WRITERS: Ooooooh.
ME: See, I have a terrific recipe for key lime pie and I live in a house of men who do not appreciate it.
SELA: That is sad.
ME: Jim is all, "I'm not really one for key lime," and Ian says, "I don't like pie."
SELA: Did you drop him on his head as a baby?
MICHAEL: You can not like specific kinds of pie, but to not like pie...
ME: He was clearly switched as an infant by a changeling.
SELA: Clearly.


ME: The most frustrating thing is that I lost eight pounds in Jamaica.
SELA: How did you manage that?
ME: I have no idea. It was all buffets and gourmet restaurants. I ate constantly, paid no attention to carbs, drank like a fish and no, I did not exercise. I sat on my butt on a chaise lounge - no, I did exercise. I swam to the swim-up bar for rum cream.
SELA: Well, clearly that's what you need to do.
MICHAEL: Sure, put in a pool next to your kitchen.
ME: In Illinois. Sounds legit... I'll just ask my doctor for a prescription for Jamaica.
SELA: Can I have one too?


MICHAEL: *stares at computer in frustration*
ME: If you keep glaring at it, it'll fix itself.
MICHAEL: I need one more sentence and this story is done.
SELA: How about "the end"?
ME: That's coming.
MICHAEL: I thought it was done a week ago. But it needed more.
ME: "Call me Ishmael."
SELA: No, that's the beginning.
ME: Rats.


MICHAEL: There. The end.
ALL: Yaaaay!!! *clapclapclap*
DIANE: So, now you'll start another one?
MICHAEL: Oh, it's already started.
ME: See, now you're just making the rest of us look bad.


ME: Before I forget, I tossed this out on the Facebook group and response was positive. Everyone likes it here at the library? I should book the next two months here?
WRITERS: *chorus of yes*
SELA: And if they're ever not available we can go to Kool Beanz.
ME: I love Kool Beanz.
MICHAEL: Now there's no food here, so you'll have to start catering.
ME: ... I'll bring key lime pie.


MICHAEL: The Unseen comes next -
DIANE: The Un-sin?
MICHAEL: Un-SEEN. The Unseen is the new title.
ME: The Un-sin is a completely different book, and probably written by Sela.
DIANE: It's sin, but not quite as bad as full sin.
ME: Kinda half-sin.
SELA: They're sinning, but it's fade to black.
ME: Like those sweet romances, the ones with no swearing and no sex.
SELA: There's sex. You just don't get to see the sex.
ME: Where's the fun in that?
MICHAEL: I'm still trying to work Hebrews into my story.

Aaaaaand we lost it again.