JIM: I got 9 out of 10 for my editing quiz! And 18 out of 20 for my last written assignment! Oh!
ME: ...
ME: Three 'ohs' texted to me while I'm interviewing a congressional candidate. I'll get you, my pretty, and your awesome grades too.
JIM: Oh...
ME: Go oh yourself.
JIM: Yes!
ME: When will you stop being surprised that you're smart?
JIM: When I get the fucking diploma in my grubby hands.
ME: Your hands better be clean at your graduation, buster.
JIM: [redacted]
ME: It says something about your character that you text rude hand gestures to your beloved wife.
JIM: I love you.

US: [long discussion redacted]
ME: See, you're such a diplomat. It's that smooth, balanced way of expressing yourself that really makes an impact on people.
JIM: Yes. I'm a peach.
ME: *snorfle*
JIM: [series of kissy emojis]
ME: Oh lord, you're schmooping again.
JIM: I think, therefore I schmoop.

Watching Buffy...

CHARACTER: Where is Warren?
BOY: *snickers*
ME: This is funny?
BOY: *pause* Okay, this is bad.
ME: *stern look of Momness*
BOY: Not that kind of bad.
ME: Go on.
BOY: I have a friend named Warren, and whenever someone's looking for him, they'll say, "Where's Warren?" And I'll say, "I don't know, but Peace is over there."
ME: ...

ME: ...
ME: I never want to hear about MY humor again.