Filmucation: Da Godfaddah

The Filmucation of Boy continued tonight with the conclusion of The Godfather Part II. It had been so long since we started the saga (Christmas!) that we had to go back and start over. Fortunately we didn't have to rewatch The Godfather, since he remembered most of that. I did have to pause to explain the entire history of Cuba and the Mafia investigations of the 1960s.

Now, of course, he keeps calling me madre. I started to call him paisan, but then we remembered that means "brother." Thanks to Google Translate, I can now pop back with mio figlio. I am one-quarter Sicilian, and Boy was disappointed to do the math and realize he is only one-eighth Sicilian. (That we know of; while I'm pretty sure of my ethnic mix, Boy's father was adopted and his only paternal grandparent-by-blood that we know of was also adopted, so that side of his bloodline is pretty much a big question mark.)

And now.... snippets! With spoilers, but seriously - you haven't seen these movies yet? What the hell are you waiting for?

Every time Fredo pops up on the screen....

BOY: Fredo, you broke my haaart!

As the little Corleones appear...

BOY: What is the little girl's name? They never say her name!
ME: It's.... wait a second. I'm blanking.
BOY: The boy is Anthony.
ME: Anthony Vito Corleone, they showed it during the First Communion scene. And the girl is...
BOY: The girl never talks.
ME: They're Sicilian. Girls don't matter.
BOY: What is with that? They're all, "Boys! Boys! Boys!" "Was it a boy?"
ME: Grr. Argh.
KAY: "Come here, Mary."
ME: Mary! Her name is Mary.
BOY: Finally.

As Connie is expounding on her anger toward Michael...

BOY: Because Carlo was so worth it.
ME: He was such a louse.
BOY: Connie. You can do better.

Senator insults Michael, stomps out of meeting.

BOY: You are so gonna end up with a horse's head in your bed.
ME: *sporfle*

Michael is accompanied to Cuba by a mysterious older man in black.

BOY: Who is you?
ME: I think he's a body man.
BOY: He's too old to be a bodyguard.
ME: No, a body man. You know, general assistant, handles random killings.
BOY: Still too old.
ME: I dunno. He looks pretty scary to me.

Body man attempts a murder, is interrupted.

BOY: Oh crap. Seriously? You had one job!

Vito Corleone commits a murder, disposes of handgun.

BOY: Oh, smart. Look, each piece is going down a different pipe.
ME: Smokestacks. They'll never find them all.
BOY: I gotta give him props. Smaaaaaart.

Big fight scene with Kay... BOY: Al Pacino is killing me with his eyes.
ME: He does that.

Flashback time!

BOY: Man. Robert de Niro really got it down like Marlon Brando.
ME: I think that's why they gave him an Oscar.
BOY: They did?
ME: Hang on, let me check IMDB. *scrambles* Yup. I was right. Best supporting actor.
BOY: He earned it.

At least eight times...

BOY: Michael, Michael, what are you doing?? 

Senator expounds for eons about the value of Italian-Americans.

BOY: I've never seen a politician kiss so much ass.
ME: *has to press pause while guffawing* Language!

Flashback scene...

SONNY: *pops into scene*
BOY: Sonny!
CHARACTERS: *talking, snarking each other*
BOY: Half of them are dead. Sonny's dead, Fredo's dead, that old guy is dead...
ME: Don't forget Carlo.
BOY: I always forget Carlo.
ME: Carlo is no great loss.
BOY: Are we gonna see Marlon Brando??
ME: No. He wouldn't come back.
BOY: No way.
ME: Yeah. He wanted as much money for one scene as he got paid for the whole first movie, and then he didn't bother to show up on set, so they rewrote it. Or so the legend goes.
BOY: Man. That sucks.
SONNY: *yammers tough-guy stuff*
ME: Oh, Sonny.
BOY: Sonny, I missed you.
SONNY: *punches someone*
BOY: See, Sonny, that's why they killed you in the last movie.

Starting tomorrow: The Godfather Part III, for the conclusion. Then I'll have to come up with more Filmucation.