Man: I wouldn't mind going camping this year.
Me: We can't do it lightweight.
Man: What?
Me: Can't do it lightweight. Camping. It's in-tents.
Man: ...
Man: *closes eyes, rolls head back*
Me: *innocent grin*
Man: Bleeeechy.
Me: Sorry. There was too much at stake.

Beatles: "We all live in a yellow submarine..."
Me: Dear. Your hippie drug music is getting stuck in my head. If you don't change the song, I shall have to kill you in your sleep.
Man: Good.
Me: Good that it's getting stuck in my head, or good that I'm going to kill you in your sleep?
Man: Both.
Me: That's disturbing.
Beatles: "A yellow submarine.... a yellow submarine...."
Me: Look, I love the Beatles. And I understand that this music was very important for people of your generation, but...
Man: Yup.
Me: But now it's an earworm.
Man: Yup.
Me: You're not going to reply to that at all?
Man: No, because you're making fun of me for being old.
Me: It's not really 'making fun' if it's factual...
Beatles: "We all live in a yellow submarine..."

Me: Okay, seriously. What are we doing for Valentine's Day?
Man: When is it?
Me: Feb. 14.
Man: *look* I mean -
Me: A week from Sunday. You're working and I'm working, so we have to do whatever we're going to do on Friday the 12th.
Man: I don't know, what do you want to watch - um, do?
Me: Not "dinner and a movie."
Man: But there's Deadpool!
Me: We are not going to see Deadpool.
Man: I know, you don't want to go see it with Ian and me.
Me: I will go see it, if only to keep up with the Marvel Universe. But not on Valentine's Day.
Man: We can go to lunch, and then a cafe and write...
Me: *stares*
Man: What?
Me: Working on my laptop. Exactly how is that different than every other day?
Man: Oh.
Me: If I'm not mistaken, February is your month to come up with our date idea.
Man: We can go to the Botanical Gardens!
Me: In February. When nothing is blooming.
Man: We could run away for the night like we did last year.
Me: Nope. Even if we scrape together the money, we have the SPJ Student Boot Camp the next morning, we have to be back super-early.
Man: Oh yeah.
Me: Our good friends at Groupon have ideas. Roller skating...
Man: No.
Me: Rock climbing...
Man: No.
Me: Burlesque.
Man: No.
Me: In-house wine tasting... see, in the end that's just a stranger in your living room dropping off wine.
Man: Yeah, no.
Me: Extreme laser tag?
Man: Hell no.
Me: Why is it that I always have to come up with the romantic date ideas when you are the romantic one? You wanted to go to Deadpool!
Man: That was a joke!
Me: You made the joke hoping I'd say yes.
Man: We-ell....
Me: In every relationship one person is the romantic, and you were elected! How can you be so relentlessly sappy and romantic in every other respect and never have any ideas for date night?
Man: I suck in this specific area.
Me: And I'm the one who's romance-challenged, but I always have to come up with the idea! Okay, we stay home in our pajamas, order in, eat two pounds of chocolates and get silly drunk.
Man: No! We can't do that!
Me: Why not? It sounds better than most of our ideas.
Man: Because it's Valentine's Day!
Me: Okay, then you come up with something.