Snippets: Matrimony Edition

MAN: We're divorced.
ME: I beg your pardon.
MAN: I sent off the paperwork to [state agency] so you can have my pension.* Again. And they finally got it entered, but they still got it wrong.
ME: You're kidding.
MAN: Yup. They have us down as divorced.
ME: Oh for fuck's sake.
MAN: I called them and they're sending the paperwork so I can get it refiled as married. But for now, we're divorced, as far as they know.
ME: So we're divorced. What're you going to do?
MAN: Huh?
ME: Hey, the state says we're divorced, you're a free man. What are you going to do?
MAN: Get the paperwork so I can file it properly for us to be married.
ME: Spoilsport. C'mon, free man! What do you do with your freedom?
MAN: Mope and cry.
ME: You would, too.
MAN: Also, they need a copy of my birth certificate. It says I may have been born in 1967 but they don't know for sure. So I may or may not exist.
ME: So you're divorced AND you don't exist and you're still not going to party?
MAN: Nope. Because they've wiped me out of existence.



* This is the ongoing nonsense of getting each other added to our pension plans, so if one of us croaks before the other, we get our meager survival benefits. This is surprisingly not automatic despite the legal matrimony stuff. It is also a gigantic pain in the ass.