Scarlet Letters

The not-so-private thoughts and rants of Elizabeth Donald, journalist/author and founder of the Literary Underworld.

Monday, February 23, 2015

Snippets....

Dueling laptops...


BARISTA: Angela?
JIM: *grin*
ME: What?
JIM: Every time I hear the word Angela, I think of The Beast Within.
ME: Your dream girl.
JIM: She is not.
ME: She is too. You first wrote about her years before we were together, and she was so obviously your dream woman. And she was blonde.
JIM: But now my dream woman sits before me and she is brunette and lovely.
ME: Nice try. Rolling your saving throw there, what do you think you got?
JIM: At least a five.
ME: Four, maybe.
JIM: Well, if we were playing D&D, but in Mage it's a five.
ME: That might be the nerdiest thing you've said all month.

*****

While packing for the weekend show, I summoned Jim to the bathroom in a panic, as I was in immediate need of solace. I explained to him that I had been packing up my medications for the weekend, and discovered that my pill organizer was too small.

"I'm going to have to buy one of those stupid big ones with separate compartments for morning and night!" I wailed.

Now, what should he have said?

"I'm sorry, hon." - Nice, safe, supportive.
"You're still young." - Lying, but supportive.
"You're my beautiful wife and I love you." - His standard response.

Instead, he says this.

"Welcome to middle age."

Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrggggghhhh. I informed him with frowny-face that it was exactly the WRONG thing to say to a woman three weeks from turning thirty-nine-plus-tax. He hugged me and said, "Welcome to my world, hon."

I give you the wife side-eye, dear sir.

*****

BOY: Mom! Did you buy me soda today?
ME: No.
BOY: Graaaah! Why not?
ME: Because I'm an evil mean monster who lives to ruin your life.
BOY: I'm down to two!
ME: Noted and logged.
BOY: Whyyyy didn't you buy them?
ME: Because I forgot. Duh.

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