Dear Boy, or Why We're Always Broke

Oh beloved son of mine...

I suppose I can understand that multiple bowls of cereal are not enough for a gargantuan like yourself. This is why I end up buying multiple Sam's Club boxes of cereal per week and never seem to get any cereal myself, and why we go through six gallons of milk a week. And apparently all the remaining French bread. I hope it was yummy.

But then you pulled out the frozen bowtie pasta broccoli alfredo and chomped on that for a while - without heating it up. You might have put the rest back in the freezer, by the way. I am not the maid.

And then you felt like a soda, so you got out the ice cube tray - and cracked it in half. Another item for the shopping list. How, exactly, did you manage that?

But it boggles my mind that you also apparently ate an entire 19-ounce bag of cheese tortellini. I hope you at least heated it up. I was planning to make up a scratch alfredo sauce for that tortellini. Back onto the shopping list.

Remind me to teach you how to scramble eggs. Are you full yet? I think there's some styrofoam plates left over from the party, you can gnaw on those.

Stop growing,

P.S. You are totally paying for the new ice cube tray.


  1. You can make easy scrambled eggs in the microwave. Just break the yolk and put it in for about a minute and a half or so depending on the microwave. Season to taste.


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