It's been a while since we did one of these....

ME: Is my social media leader text too long?
EDITOR: Yes, and too complicated. It has to be shorter and simpler.
ME: Are you saying that people on Facebook cannot comprehend a compound sentence?
EDITOR: Yes. Duh.


JIM: Hey, free books on the table.
ME: Boooooks.
JIM: "Writing Great Short Stories." "Steps to Writing Well." "Characters and Viewpoint."
ME: Want.
JIM: "Eats Shoots and Leaves." "How to Read Novels Like a Professor." You want all of them? They are free for the taking.
ME: Yes. Any we don't add to the house collection can go to the Relay sale in the fall.
JIM: "Rhetorical Analysis."
ME: ... ugh.
JIM: I got all the ones about writing. I'll put them in my book bag.
ME: *bounce*
JIM: There are two left but I don't think you want those.
ME: What are they?
JIM: "Business School Essays" and "A Practical Guide to Family Therapy."
ME: Nonono.
JIM: Ok. Nice little haul for you. I was in the right place at the right time.
ME: I could do you right now, you get me boooooks.
JIM: :D A guy came down the stairs, dumped them on the table, looked at me and said free books. So I thought about you.
ME: Because I'm an irredeemable dork?
JIM: Yes.
ME: Booooooks.


As I was working on a story about someone attempting to punch Daffy Duck at Six Flags. (Daffy is just fine. We're not completely soulless.)

ME: Am I allowed to say he got stuck with the bill?
ME: Sigh. Someday I'm gonna quack you up.
EDITOR: *stare*
ME: Look, Leader Pub's lead is, "One Six Flags patron apparently thought it was duck season."
EDITOR 2: Are you sure it's not wabbit season?
EDITOR: I'm about to declare a time-out.
ME: I'm not allowed to use puns. See? No puns in my story, and it is physically painful.
EDITOR 3: Since you're leaving, does that make you a ... lame duck?
ME: *points* How come he gets away with that and I can't make a single pun??
EDITOR: I gave him the side-eye glare.


ME: Mary, you have normal children.
MARY: No, I do not. I have exceptional brilliant children.
ME: Of course. But I imagine they have normal appetites. Unlike my spawn.
MARY: Comparatively speaking, I couldn't swear to it.
ME: I am planning a pizza party for eleven children and five adults. About how many pizzas should I order for normal children?
MARY: What ages?
ME: About six to 13 or so, boys and girls. They're Episcopalians, but I don't think that affects appetites.
MARY: Well, my nine-year-old will eat half a pizza easy. My eight-year-old will eat maybe half a slice.
ME: That is less helpful than I imagined.


ME: Settle a newsroom argument. How long does it take a man to realize the woman he's dating is The One?
JIM: When he feels it in his heart and soul... when the moon shines and he sees the light reflect off the one he loves... and he sees her for the first time in that light... he will know.
ME: So... less than three months?
JIM: Give or take a few lifetimes.


ME: Look at this sappiness I got in response.
REPORTER: *peers* Is he being sarcastic?
ME: No. That's just him. Sappiest man on the planet.