Snippets Catch-up

ME: Why does my phone have 400 pics of you wearing a gray shirt and a quizzical expression?
BOY: Huh?

ME: I've got at least 40 variations of this on my phone.
BOY: Oh yeah! I decided to prank you when you left your phone out lol.
ME: Snothead! Next time smile!

Olympic snark. (What. This Snippets has been building a while.) I was, of course, working.

ME: Olympic opening ceremonies in half an hour on NBC. Try Sling for streaming.
BOY: Thank you for the pizza. 😋
ME: Happy National Pizza Day. :)

BOY: ...It's not on Sling.
ME: Nooooo. What about the NBC app?
BOY: I'm able to stream it off NBC's website but idk know long they're gonna let me watch.
ME: It's starting! Shiny fireworks.
ME: Noooo!
BOY: It won't let you watch the actual ceremony unless you pay.
ME: Try clearing your cache.
BOY: What?
ME: Ask Jim to show you.
BOY: Not working. YouTube is not doing it. It's not on YouTube, Sling, Hulu or NBC app.
ME: Give the antenna a try.

BOY: We need a better antenna. This is ridiculous. I can't see a thing!
ME: Really? :(
BOY: Yeah. IDK which Dollar Tree we got this antenna at but we need to get another one.
ME: Every article says Sling is offering it...

BOY: Our antenna is made out of twigs and chicken wire.*
ME: I think that's probably too generous.

BOY: Does Jamaica still have a bobsled team?
ME: Yup! This year the Jamaican bobsled team is another first - ALL WOMEN.
BOY: Nice. Did the Jamaicans just get rid of all their male sledders?
ME: It's been 30 years since the 1988 team. I imagine they're too old. :)
BOY: Could their grandkids do it?
ME: How do you know the team ISN'T their grandkids?

BOY: How's the speech? We can't hear much. Oooo fireworks.
ME: Speech was boring, what little I can hear... nope, he threw some serious shade about the cheating. I found the text of the speech and emailed it to you.

ME: Here comes the torch!
BOY: We NEED to get a new antenna this is ridiculous
ME: North and South Korea together lighting torch
BOY: The TV fought through it just long enough for us to see the torch touch the cauldron


ME: I am forwarding a message from the World's Largest Catsup Bottle fan club. They've changed emails. It's no longer "bigtomato."
ME: Yup. It signs off, "We'll catsup with you later."
PHOTOG: I'd pay you a condiment, but...
ME: Sorry, that just won't cut the mustard.
REPORTER: *look*


REPORTER: Do you want a dog story?
EDITOR 1: Is it a happy dog story?
REPORTER: Yes, for once. The fire department is getting a new arson dog.
EDITOR 2: Is it a Dalmatian?
REPORTER: Sadly, no. She's a lab.
EDITOR 2: That's not very fire-y. What's her name?
EDITOR 2: That's not very fire-y either.
ME: There's just no respect for the traditions anymore.
REPORTER: They can't all be named Sparky or Spot.


Rumors had circulated all day that there were DOUGHNUTS in the building, but I only spied them when they appeared in the newsroom.

ME: Hey. Nobody said they were DUNKIN Donuts.
REPORTER 1: Does that make a difference?
ME: Of course! Dunkin Donuts are superior to all other commercial doughnuts.
EDITOR 1: I'm so sorry that you think that.
ME: We can have the Dunkin vs. Krispy Krap throwdown later.

Naturally, there were exactly three doughnuts left. Gotta move fast in the House of Locusts.

* This is pretty much where I lost it. Also: he's not wrong.