JIM: A man was walking to St. Ives and met a man with seven wives -
ME: The guy. Just the guy.
JIM: *crestfallen* I know it from Sesame Street.
ME: I know it from Die Hard 3.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is our relationship in a nutshell.


JIM: How do you spell padawan?
ME: G-O-O-G-L-E.
ME: Why in heaven's name are you asking me? Go ask George Lucas.


Boy passingly refers to himself as a former employee of the Walt Disney Company, clearly referring to his high school orchestra trip to Disney World where they spent a day studying and recording with Hans Zimmer.

ME: You were not an employee. You attended a workshop.
BOY: Hey, they said they would be using our recording in a movie trailer, and that meant that we were musicians with the Walt Disney Company.
ME: You didn't get paid. In fact, you paid! A lot!
BOY: It doesn't matter! We were employee artists!
ME: I think there are words for work without pay...
BOY: Yeah, it's called being an actor or musician.
ME: Ouch. I hate it when you're right.


Fun with autocorrect.

ME: Chili soup should be cool on Dostoevsky by the time you get in, please fridge it.
JIM: Dostoevsky? Who is he? Our Russian cook?
ME: Also there is baked chicken and steamed broccoli.


REPORTER: [on phone with cop] I guess what I'm asking, if someone is breaking into my car, am I allowed to shoot them?
NEWSROOM: [giggling]
REPORTER: [to cop] My coworkers are laughing at me now.
ME: What the hell is she writing today?
REPORTER: [hangs up] Really, people?
NEWSROOM: [laughter]
ME: Hey, you're gonna ask the police when you're allowed to shoot people, you gotta expect snark.