Snippets, Momfia Edition

Me: Would you pour me an iced tea?
Boy: Iced tea....
Me: Giant pitcher, in the fridge. Hard to mistake for the OJ.
Boy: Please?
Me: Would you please bring me an iced tea?
Boy: Thank you. I'm going to teach you manners.
Me: Oh shut up. 

Me: On Saturday, we have to take the car to the repair place to get the estimate on repairing the damage.*
Boy: Okay. Wait, Saturday?
Me: Yes, sadly we will have to reschedule our Star Wars tickets.
Boy: What.
Me: Then we are bringing you back here, since the Pezzas are picking you up for the Christmas pageant rehearsal -
Boy: WHAT.
Me: - because that's the night Jim and I are doing our annual Christmas shopping date -
Boy: When are we rescheduling Star Wars!
Me: 😈
Boy: When. are. we. rescheduling. Star Wars.
Me: We're not. I'm just messing with you.
Boy: 👺 Why?
Me: Have we met?
Boy: 😝
Me: I tried it on Jimmy. You would have thought I asked him for a divorce.

Boy: One of my New Year's resolutions is to get a job.
Me: That's a good one. What's your motivation?
Boy: So I can earn more money and pay back the debt I owe you so you will get off my back.
Me: I approve.
Boy: You're like the Mafia.
Me: *burst out laughing* I am not the Mafia!
Boy: Yes you are!
Me: I am teaching you responsibility. You can't just rack up $150 in debt and then smile and say, "I'm cute and nice so I don't have to pay back what I owe."
Boy: Yeah yeah. Mafia.

Boy: *unpacking Christmas box* Hey look, it's the "magic."
Me: Aha! The magic tin goes under the tree next to the Polar Express bell.
Boy: Where did you get the magic?
Me: I don't know.
Boy: Mom. I know. It's a tube full of glitter.
Me: If you say so.
Boy: So where did you get it?
Me: I honestly don't remember. **
Boy: ... How did you do the reindeer food?
Me: What do you mean?
Boy: Each year we filled up a bowl with oatmeal, and we added the "magic," and we put it outside for the reindeer. And every year it was eaten.
Me: Yup. Always made a mess.
Boy: So how did you do it?
Me: Do what?
Boy: Mom.
Me: You're going to have to be more specific.
Boy: ... Did you eat the Santa cookies?
Me: Why would I eat Santa's cookies?
Boy: *grumbles* You could just admit it...
Me: Not sure what you mean. Here, hand me that box.

A more eloquent response... really, I can add nothing.

* For those who don't read my Facebook: Yes, it looks like someone swung a baseball bat at the back of my car during last weekend's signing. I'm so glad this bill will arrive just in time for Christmas. 😡
** This is true.