Scarlet Letters

I freely admit that I don't get how Amazon picks its "buy these two for almost the same price!" deals. I mean, I get that they're going to put my vamp books with some damn Twilight knockoff, because of course all vampire books are the same. Head, desk, repeat. Sometimes they get it right, such as when they put Nocturne and Abaddon together. I mean, they are in the same series. And maybe if you don't look too closely, you won't notice that the price for both books is exactly the same as it would be buying them separately, or that you could get both books directly from me , signed, for a whole lot less. But whose fucking brilliant idea was it to put my decidedly non-sexual collection of horror and science fiction Twilight-Zone- style creepified stories ... with the Hitachi Magic Wand? I am not making this up. On the off chance one or two of you don't know, the Hitachi Magic Wand is a giant vibrator. Really? Which is the sexier story - the guerri

Today's dinner break was a quick run to the grocery store, as we are out of everything. It was the funniest grocery trip in ages. My local grocery also has a full-service florist and a chocolatier. And every time I turned a corner, there was another confused male standing in front of a display, looking chagrined. One guy stared at the chocolate-covered strawberries for so long I wanted to go over to him and say, "It's okay, man. I swear she'll like them." The line at the florist counter was five deep. All men. The card aisle: thronged with men. Each of them with this stunned look on their faces. I felt the need to Tweet. ME: It is hilarious watching all the men staring blankly at flower and chocolate displays. Guys, you knew this was coming. How could you miss it? JIMMY: Hon, we're dumb. ME: No man better complain about excessive V-Day ads, is all I'm saying. JIMMY: Yep. As I stood in the checkout line, there was a girl of no more than twenty be