Scarlet Letters

The list grows every year, originally compiled from "Don't Do That, You Stupid Twit!" by Dr. Ralph Donald and the denizens of the Green Mile, with my thanks. I hope everyone is having a nicely creepy Halloween! HOW TO SURVIVE A HORROR MOVIE If the house you are living in tells you to "GO AWAY," do it. Now. If you're a virgin, stay that way. If a killer with a knife is chasing you around the house, do NOT go upstairs. Go out the front door, you idiot! For God's sake, turn on the lights. Never split up. Never stoop over to see if the killer is dead. He's not. Never get naked in front of a window. Avoid the following geographical locations: Amityville, Elm Street, Crystal Lake, Transylvania, islands, lover's lanes, secluded mountain resorts and all small towns in the state of Maine. Never pick up hitchhikers. If a small town off the highway is deserted, it's probably for a very good reason. If your speedometer suddenly starts turning backward, t...

I am happy to say that I sold out today's book signing. The last signing for NOCTURNE was at the Fairview Heights, Ill. Borders this afternoon. By the end of the signing, I had sold every book, including the display copy in the front window. Bookstore signings are tricky things. You are sometimes mistaken for a bookstore employee, and they ask you where they can find the geography books or the coffee bar. Quite often people don't realize you are the author, even with an "author" sign in front of you. Most of all, though, customers avoid eye contact or conversation. Saying "hello" can weird them out and they scuttle away. It's the fault of those kiosk operators in malls, I swear. If you make eye contact, you're lost. They've got you, and you'll be forced - forced, I say! - to buy fifteen bucks' worth of nail care products. If you make eye contact with an author at a book signing, you're stuck. You will have to buy the book. So they act...

First of all, Aoife's Kiss Magazine has bought "Silent" and will reprint it in the March 2007 issue. Be sure to pick up a copy, support them and me! Don't worry, you'll get another reminder. There's more... but I can't talk about it yet. In the meantime, I've uploaded an excerpt from "The Cold Ones" to my YahooGroup. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/elizabethdonald It can be accessed by clicking on "files" on the left side of the screen. You might not be able to access it if you're not a member of the group. Join us! We don't bite... oh wait, we totally DO. Evil grins!

To celebrate that blessed time of scaring you silly, I present the first limited-time-only T-shirt! http://www.cafepress.com/elizabethdonald.13781496 "Can't sleep... bear will eat me," featuring the angel bear from "Jesus Loves Me." Available only until the witching hour Halloween night! This is what you people get for making me read that story aloud on the circuit all year and having to do the voice of the teddy bear. In addition, I'm offering autographed copies of SETTING SUNS for two dollars off the regular price. $11 plus shipping, while supplies last! Also, please keep in mind that all the Nocturnal Urges designs can be special-ordered! If you really like the design on the sweatshirt but want it in a spaghetti top, etc., I can do it for you. Just email me with what you want and I'll give you the price quote. http://www.cafepress.com/elizabethdonald Special offers expire at 11:59 p.m. CST Oct. 31. Void where prohibited. You must sign over your second...